How to Teach Children the Value of Experiences over Things
Oh, hey there, friend. 👋 Let's be real for a sec. If you’ve ever felt like your house is slowly being consumed by a colorful, plastic, noise-making monster, you are not alone. My kids’ playroom? It used to look like a toy store exploded, then maybe a second one exploded on top of that.
I remember one Christmas morning, standing amidst a mountain of wrapping paper and new plastic junk. My oldest, Leo, who was four at the time, played with the box a new toy came in for like, thirty minutes. The toy? Ignored. My eye twitched a little, honestly.
That was a major "Aha!" moment for me. I was drowning in stuff, and my kids weren't even playing with half of it. It made me wonder: what are we actually teaching them when we give them so much stuff?
Today, we're going to dive into how you can shift that focus for your kids, and for your sanity. We’ll talk about why experiences are a damn sight better than another plastic doodad, and how to actually make that happen without alienating your well-meaning relatives.
Why This Actually Matters
You know that feeling when you finally get the kids to bed, walk into the living room, and trip over a toy car? Or stub your toe on a rogue building block? Yeah. That's one small, painful reason this matters to us as moms.
But beyond our bruised feet and the endless clutter, there's something deeper happening. We’re raising a generation that's constantly bombarded with ads and messages telling them they need more, more, more.
It’s exhausting just thinking about it, isn't it?
When we prioritize experiences, we’re doing more than just decluttering. We’re giving our kids something priceless: memories, connection, and a different perspective on what truly brings joy.
Think about it. My son, Julian, still talks about that time we got totally soaked in a sudden rain shower at the zoo. He doesn't mention the stuffed animal he got that day, which is probably hiding under his bed somewhere.
Or that time we tried to bake a cake from scratch and it totally flopped, ending up as more of a crumbly, delicious mess? That’s a story we still laugh about at dinner. Those are the moments that stick, not the 47th Hot Wheels car.
Studies even show kids who focus on experiences tend to be happier, less materialistic, and have stronger family bonds. Who doesn't want that for their kids? And let's be honest, for themselves too?
The Basics: What "experiences over Things" Even Means
Okay, so "experiences over things" sounds great in theory, right? But what does it actually mean when you’re elbow-deep in laundry and just trying to get dinner on the table?
It doesn't mean you can never buy your kid another toy. We're not aiming for perfection here, remember? It's about a shift in mindset, a re-prioritization.
It means actively choosing moments and activities that create memories and foster growth, rather than defaulting to buying another physical item.
And let me be super clear: an "experience" doesn't have to be some fancy, expensive vacation. Hell no. My budget can’t handle that every weekend, and frankly, I don't have the energy.
It can be as simple as a trip to the local library, an afternoon baking cookies together (even if it makes a huge mess), a hike on a new trail, or even just building a fort in the living room with sheets and sofa cushions.
The Real Perks of Prioritizing Experiences
When you choose to invest in experiences, even small ones, you're actually giving your kids so much more than a new toy ever could. It’s a powerful shift for everyone involved.
- Stronger Family Connection: You're creating shared memories. Those moments where you’re all laughing or working together? They build bonds that last. My kids often reference past adventures, even the tiny ones, and it makes my heart happy.
- Skill Development: Trying new things, whether it's navigating a new playground or learning to paddle a kayak, helps kids develop new skills. They learn problem-solving, resilience, and coordination without even realizing it.
- Lasting Memories (Not Landfill): Toys break, get lost, or are quickly outgrown. Memories? They stick around. They become the stories you tell at the dinner table years later, the inside jokes, the foundation of their childhood narrative. And bonus, they don't end up in a donation bin or worse, a landfill.
- Less Clutter, More Space, More Calm: This is a selfish one, but I'm not sorry about it. Less physical stuff means less to organize, less to clean, and less visual noise in your home. And for my tired brain? That means a hell of a lot more calm.
How to Actually do It: Practical Steps for Busy Moms
Okay, so you’re on board with the idea of trading plastic for priceless. But how do you actually implement this when you’re already swamped and kids have birthday parties every other weekend?
It’s a process, not an overnight miracle. I’ve been doing this for years now, and I still have moments where I'm like, "How did we end up with all this crap again?" We all do.
The key is to start small and be consistent. Don't try to change everything at once. Pick one or two things to focus on, and see how it goes.
Step 1: Shift Your Gifting Philosophy (for Yourself and Others)
This is probably the biggest and sometimes the hardest step, especially when it comes to grandparents. Everyone means well, but damn, they love to shower those grandkids with stuff.
For your own kids, try to consciously choose experience-based gifts. Instead of another action figure, could it be tickets to a local show? A membership to the children's museum?
Even better: a "coupon book" from you for things like "one afternoon of building a super cool fort" or "a special baking session for just the two of us." My kids actually love these.
When it comes to other people gifting to your kids, this is where you need to get a little brave. For birthdays, we started doing "fiver" parties. Instead of gifts, guests bring a $5 bill.
Then, the birthday kid gets to use that money for one big experience: a trip to the zoo, a special class, or a contribution to a family vacation fund. It feels a little weird asking at first, but people usually get it.
For holidays or just general gifting, a casual conversation with close family can work wonders. Something like, "Hey, we're really trying to cut down on clutter, so if you're thinking of a gift, maybe an experience? Or a contribution to their swim lessons?"
You can even suggest consumable gifts like art supplies, play-doh, or special snacks. Things that get used up are a minimalist mom's best friend. I've found that most family members actually appreciate the guidance, even if it takes a bit for them to fully adjust.
Step 2: Prioritize Time over Shopping Sprees
This sounds obvious, but how often do we actually schedule quality time that isn't focused on buying something? If your weekends often involve a trip to Target or the mall, try swapping one of those outings for an experience.
Block out "experience time" on your calendar. Even if it’s just two hours on a Saturday morning. Treat it like an appointment you can't miss.
It doesn't have to be elaborate, remember. We're talking walks in nature, bike rides, trying a new playground across town, or even just setting up a simple craft station at home with supplies you already have.
The point is to intentionally create the space and time for these moments. I used to feel guilty if we weren't "doing something productive" on a weekend. Now, I see these experiences as the most productive thing we can do as a family.
And honestly? Sometimes those unplanned moments are the best. Like the time we spontaneously decided to splash in puddles after a rainstorm. Total chaos, but pure joy.
Step 3: Model the Behavior You Want to See
Kids are sponges. They watch everything we do, even when we think they’re not paying attention. If we're constantly bringing new things into the house for ourselves, it's hard to convince them that stuff isn't the key to happiness.
This was a tough one for me. I used to browse online stores for little pick-me-ups for myself after a specifically rough day. A new shirt, a fancy mug. It felt good for a minute, then just added to the pile.
Now, when I'm feeling that urge, I try to reframe it. Can I buy myself a coffee and take it to the park to sit and watch the kids play? Can I take 30 minutes to read a book I already own?
It’s about making conscious choices. Show your kids that your happiness doesn't depend on the latest gadget or the trendiest new item. Show them that you value time together, quiet moments, and simple joys.
They'll notice. And they'll learn. It's not about being perfect, it's about being mindful.
Step 4: Create an "experience Fund" (even a Small One)
Experiences don't have to break the bank, but some do cost money. A family membership to a museum, tickets to a special event, or even just gas for a day trip can add up.
Having a dedicated "experience fund" can help. This doesn't need to be a fancy investment account. It could be a jar on the counter where you toss spare change, or a separate line item in your monthly budget.
We have a jar where we put any unexpected money – a small rebate, loose change from the bottom of my purse, a few dollars from a side gig. When it gets full enough, we decide on a family experience.
Involve your kids! Let them help decorate the jar. When family members ask what they want for their birthday, you can suggest a contribution to the "Adventure Fund" instead of another toy.
My kids get a small allowance, and they’ve chosen to put some of it into the fund for a specific outing. Giving them ownership of it makes them even more invested in the idea.
Step 5: Involve Your Kids in Planning
Kids are way more excited about something if they feel like they had a hand in choosing it. Give them age-appropriate choices for your family experiences.
Instead of announcing, "We're going to the library!" try, "Would you rather go to the library today or to the park?" Or, "For our next special outing, should we go ice skating or to the science museum?"
This gives them a sense of autonomy and makes them feel valued. Plus, they might come up with some brilliant ideas you never would have thought of.
My kids have suggested things like "make huge pancakes for dinner" (which became an experience, not just a meal) and "go explore that weird trail in the woods." Sometimes their ideas are super simple and cost absolutely nothing.
It's about fostering their creativity and showing them that fun doesn't always come in a package with a price tag.
Step 6: Declutter Before Special Occasions
This is a trick I learned the hard way. Nothing is worse than getting new stuff and having absolutely nowhere to put it. It just creates more stress and more mess.
Before birthdays or holidays, make it a family activity to declutter existing toys, clothes, and other items. Talk about making space for new memories and new adventures.
Involve your kids in deciding what to keep, what to donate, and what to toss. Teach them the concept of letting go to make room for new things – not necessarily new physical things, but new experiences.
We often use the "one in, one out" rule for certain categories of toys, but for experiences, it's more about creating mental space. It's hard to appreciate a new adventure if you're constantly tripping over old junk.
This also subtly teaches them generosity. We talk about how other kids will love their old toys, and how we're making someone else happy by donating things we no longer use.
Step 7: Talk About It – Explicitly!
Don't just do experiences; talk about them. After an outing, ask your kids what their favorite part was. "Remember when we saw that giant squirrel at the park?" "Wasn't it fun when we all got to pick out our own flavors of ice cream?"
Relive those moments at dinner, during bedtime stories, or even just casually throughout the week. This reinforces the value of the experience and helps them cement those memories.
Compare it (gently) to material items. "Remember that huge LEGO set you got last year? What was your favorite part of building it? Or remember that time we went camping? Which memory feels stronger to you?"
This isn't about shaming them for liking toys, but about helping them develop a deeper appreciation for intangible joys. They need to hear the language of valuing experiences to truly internalize it.
It helps them connect their feelings of joy and excitement to the shared experience, rather than just the fleeting thrill of unwrapping something new.
Step 8: Embrace Boredom (it's a Gifting Tool!)
This might sound counterintuitive, but sometimes the best "experiences" are born out of sheer boredom. When kids don't have a million toys screaming for their attention, they have to get creative.
We've all been there: "Mom, I'm BORED!" My first instinct used to be to suggest a new activity or pull out a new toy. Now, I often respond with, "Great! That means your brain has space to come up with something amazing."
Sometimes they'll groan, but more often than not, after a few minutes of quiet, they'll be building an elaborate fort, putting on a puppet show, or creating some crazy contraption out of recyclables.
These self-generated experiences are incredibly valuable. They foster independence, problem-solving, and imaginative play – all without costing a dime or adding to the clutter.
It's hard to resist the urge to entertain them constantly, I know. But leaning into those quiet moments, even if they start with a whine, often leads to the most memorable and creative play.
Making It Stick / Common Mistakes
Alright, so you’ve got the toolkit. But this isn't a magic wand. There are definitely things that can trip you up along the way. I've stumbled over all of them, believe me.
The biggest hurdle? Other people. Grandparents who just love to spoil the kids. Friends who always show up with a little something. It’s hard to constantly be the "no stuff" parent without feeling like a Grinch.
Another one: mom guilt. Sometimes it feels easier to just buy the damn toy to get 10 minutes of peace. And guess what? Sometimes that’s okay. We’re not aiming for perfection here, just progress.
Don't beat yourself up if a birthday still brings a decent haul of toys. Don't stress if you grab a new doodad from the checkout line just to avoid a meltdown. It happens. We're human, we're tired.
Kids don't typically remember the gifts they got. They remember the feelings they felt, the laughter they shared, and the adventures they had with you.
The trick is to keep gently steering the ship. Keep having those conversations. Keep planning those experiences. And keep reminding yourself why you're doing this in the first place.
It’s not about depriving your kids. It’s about giving them something richer, deeper, and more lasting than anything that can be bought in a store.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my family just loves giving gifts?
This is super common and honestly, it’s the toughest one for many moms. Start by expressing gratitude for their generosity, then gently suggest alternatives. "We really appreciate you thinking of the kids! If you're looking for ideas, we're building up an 'experience fund' for a family trip to the mountains." You can also suggest consumable gifts like art supplies, specific books, or even baking ingredients for an activity.
My kid only asks for toys. What then?
This is totally normal! Kids are exposed to advertising and peer pressure. Acknowledge their desires ("That new LEGO set looks pretty cool!") but then gently redirect. "We can add that to your wish list for a special occasion. For now, what’s an adventure you’d really love to have this week?" Sometimes, letting them save their own money for a desired toy teaches them value, too.
Is it okay to still buy some toys?
YES! We’re not trying to live in a barren, joyless home here. It’s about balance. If your child truly loves trains and plays with them constantly, then a new train set might be a great gift. The goal isn't zero toys; it's mindful consumption and a shift towards valuing connection and experiences more than material possessions. My kids still get toys, just far fewer than before.
The Bottom Line
Look, being a mom is hard enough without trying to implement some perfect, Instagram-worthy minimalist lifestyle. The "experiences over things" philosophy isn't about being perfect; it's about being intentional.
It's about making conscious choices to spend your time, money, and energy on things that truly enrich your family's life. It’s about creating lasting memories, fostering stronger bonds, and giving your kids a different perspective on what truly matters.
You don't have to overhaul everything overnight. Start small. Pick one birthday party. Plan one simple weekend adventure. Have one honest conversation with a grandparent. Every little bit counts.
And remember, you’re doing a damn good job. Keep going. Your kids (and your future-self, tripping over less crap) will thank you for it. ❤️
